In and Out by Cedric Martin
There is a poem that goes:
"There is only one story
A boy loved a girl then the girl loved him back
Then the boy stopped loving the girl but the girl kept on loving the boy
There is only one story
A girl loved a boy then the boy loved her back
Then the girl stopped loving the boy but the boy kept on loving the girl
The truth is simple, we do not die of love
We only wish we did"
When I first read this poem, I was critical of this dudes concept of love. But experience has led me to revisit this theory that there is no such thing as a constant, undying love. People fall in love and then they fall out of love.
Falling In
About 3 years ago, I fell in love with a friend and she loved me back. We had a great relationship that lasted for about 2 years. In those 2 years, we kept two simple rules that defined our relationship. These were "No complications" and "Just good memories". Simply put, I was happy.
Challenge
Mid-way into the relationship, my girlfriend got a scholarship for a masters degree which was to be taken in Singapore and Germany . Ok, at this point you're probably thinking "Long distance relationship! That never works..... I've heard this story before". Well, for my part, I just had to analyze and figure out what really happens, the truth behind it all. And besides, it's my article so you might as well just read on. So anyway, she couldn't pass off a chance like that and besides, I wouldn't let her miss out on that opportunity (I'm a good boyfriend you know), so she took it. So for the next 6 months, she was going to spend most of her time in Singapore , which, for both of us, was easy to manage. It was near (about 3 hour flight) and there was no time difference. Also, the ticket was somewhat affordable. For us, Germany was the real challenge.
Falling Out
Every good thing must come to an end, so as the months went by, the inevitable happens. One morning she wakes up and realizes that she does not love me anymore. I'm not so sure when the falling out actually starts, but I think for her it started toward the end of her stay in Singapore . So how did I react to that? Well, I stayed in love with her (Trust me, if you knew her, that isn't hard to do). Actually, I was not really sure (During that time at least) if she fell out of love for me, or at least I tried to deny it. I was still hopeful that when she comes home, she will realize it was just the distance. Well, I was wrong, she did fall out, and to best describe how that made me feel..... Eeeeeeyyyyyooooouuuuch!!! Trust me, I'd rather have my pinky finger cut off than go through that again....... Or maybe not.
Human
Well, being only human, it was only natural that I ask questions like, What happened? (Loser) What did I do wrong? (Loser x2) What do I do to get her back? (Loser x10). So what did I get, the answer I've been dreading..... "I don't love you anymore! And you just have to accept that....." Picture this, a 6-foot tall, 180-lbs.....ok fine! 190lbs (It was the holidays you know), extremely good looking (Don't argue, its my article) man being devastated emotionally by a 5ft tall lady with her cute little smile. Only one thing I can say about that......Pathetic! The worst time of my life..... well, maybe second to when I had to wipe this old mans ass ........ It was really bad.
Realization
So now, here I am on my bed, pounding away on my laptop at 3 in the morning, the 5th of January on a brand new year. I am asking.... actually more like demanding, an answer from my maker, asking him how in the world do you handle such creatures? Then just like that, an answer. You see, in order to better understand the aspects of falling out of love, you have to go back to its roots which is falling in love. You will realize that it starts and ends as a mystery. When we fall in love, we can't explain it, it just hits you. The feeling, the emotion all of a sudden become so real to you that you just can't help it. It is like a flame is ignited within you. And you do not reason with that, you just know its there. Falling out of love happens in the same manner. Before you know it, that flame is gone, it just dies down. Why? Well, just like falling in love, we can't tell what exactly causes it. You just know it.....you feel it and you cant argue with it. Take my case for example. I did not do anything wrong. All I did was love her the best I could. But human nature took its course (Her human nature). It just found an end.
Key Learning
In any given relationship, the flame of love dies down at a given point. In fact, the real question should be, between the two of you, whose flame dies down first? You see, it's part of human nature. We adapt and we evolve, we tend to change with the environment. The forces that encourage such change are all around us and we cant stop it. No one is really to blame, its just the way things are. Ok, I know there are a lot of reactions out there at this point. Please, stay calm, and read on. So, how do you make a relationship work? How do you make it last? Two words; Commitment and Responsibility. No, its not a commitment to love that person, but rather the commitment to be part of the betterment of the other individual. You don't commit to the love but rather commit that you will be part of the growth of your partner. And please take note that it should be both ways, because if it is only one way, its not a relationship. It's more like an illness or a psychological problem. As for responsibility, you should be responsible for your commitment and not for the other person. And, in order to maintain both, all you need is maturity. You see, this is what makes most real relationships last. As the other person improves and develops, you fall in love all over again, and the cycle goes on until there is no room left to fall out of love. As for married couples, family and children are the additional commitments. Most married couples know this, and sometimes, its all that keeps them together, not love. Ok, I'm not really what you call an "expert" on the subject. I just happen to be an analytical genius. Please do not argue with that, just read on. In my case, we were both living our own lives over 9,000 miles apart. How in the world do you keep up with each other's growth as a person in that case? No technology or communication standard can fix that?... unless somebody speeds up the development of the molecular transporter or something like that. We were on different worlds with different lives, so it was really inevitable that one of us was going to give way. Unfortunately for me, it was faster on her part because she was the one who was starting out on a new environment, so the pace of change was much faster for her. So I can't blame her..... that witch! ....just kidding, there really is no reason to get mad at her. The forces of change are much stronger on her side. It's not like she planned the whole falling out of love thing, it's just her being human. If I cant live with that, I should have ended up with a more subhuman life form.....not at all complicated (weird is more like it....imagine dating a goat).
Conclusion
So what should a person do? Fall in love. Why? Well, it's what defines our humanity, as much as getting hurt (emotionally) does. But please, do not expect or wait to fall out when you are in a relationship. Let nature take its course, just be ready to feel the pain of loss or the difficulty of inflicting pain (remember, it's not your fault), either way, it's emotionally excruciating. Or better yet, make that commitment...because if it works out, it will be your life fulfillment.
"There is only one story
A boy loved a girl then the girl loved him back
Then the boy stopped loving the girl but the girl kept on loving the boy
There is only one story
A girl loved a boy then the boy loved her back
Then the girl stopped loving the boy but the boy kept on loving the girl
The truth is simple, we do not die of love
We only wish we did"
When I first read this poem, I was critical of this dudes concept of love. But experience has led me to revisit this theory that there is no such thing as a constant, undying love. People fall in love and then they fall out of love.
Falling In
About 3 years ago, I fell in love with a friend and she loved me back. We had a great relationship that lasted for about 2 years. In those 2 years, we kept two simple rules that defined our relationship. These were "No complications" and "Just good memories". Simply put, I was happy.
Challenge
Mid-way into the relationship, my girlfriend got a scholarship for a masters degree which was to be taken in Singapore and Germany . Ok, at this point you're probably thinking "Long distance relationship! That never works..... I've heard this story before". Well, for my part, I just had to analyze and figure out what really happens, the truth behind it all. And besides, it's my article so you might as well just read on. So anyway, she couldn't pass off a chance like that and besides, I wouldn't let her miss out on that opportunity (I'm a good boyfriend you know), so she took it. So for the next 6 months, she was going to spend most of her time in Singapore , which, for both of us, was easy to manage. It was near (about 3 hour flight) and there was no time difference. Also, the ticket was somewhat affordable. For us, Germany was the real challenge.
Falling Out
Every good thing must come to an end, so as the months went by, the inevitable happens. One morning she wakes up and realizes that she does not love me anymore. I'm not so sure when the falling out actually starts, but I think for her it started toward the end of her stay in Singapore . So how did I react to that? Well, I stayed in love with her (Trust me, if you knew her, that isn't hard to do). Actually, I was not really sure (During that time at least) if she fell out of love for me, or at least I tried to deny it. I was still hopeful that when she comes home, she will realize it was just the distance. Well, I was wrong, she did fall out, and to best describe how that made me feel..... Eeeeeeyyyyyooooouuuuch!!! Trust me, I'd rather have my pinky finger cut off than go through that again....... Or maybe not.
Human
Well, being only human, it was only natural that I ask questions like, What happened? (Loser) What did I do wrong? (Loser x2) What do I do to get her back? (Loser x10). So what did I get, the answer I've been dreading..... "I don't love you anymore! And you just have to accept that....." Picture this, a 6-foot tall, 180-lbs.....ok fine! 190lbs (It was the holidays you know), extremely good looking (Don't argue, its my article) man being devastated emotionally by a 5ft tall lady with her cute little smile. Only one thing I can say about that......Pathetic! The worst time of my life..... well, maybe second to when I had to wipe this old mans ass ........ It was really bad.
Realization
So now, here I am on my bed, pounding away on my laptop at 3 in the morning, the 5th of January on a brand new year. I am asking.... actually more like demanding, an answer from my maker, asking him how in the world do you handle such creatures? Then just like that, an answer. You see, in order to better understand the aspects of falling out of love, you have to go back to its roots which is falling in love. You will realize that it starts and ends as a mystery. When we fall in love, we can't explain it, it just hits you. The feeling, the emotion all of a sudden become so real to you that you just can't help it. It is like a flame is ignited within you. And you do not reason with that, you just know its there. Falling out of love happens in the same manner. Before you know it, that flame is gone, it just dies down. Why? Well, just like falling in love, we can't tell what exactly causes it. You just know it.....you feel it and you cant argue with it. Take my case for example. I did not do anything wrong. All I did was love her the best I could. But human nature took its course (Her human nature). It just found an end.
Key Learning
In any given relationship, the flame of love dies down at a given point. In fact, the real question should be, between the two of you, whose flame dies down first? You see, it's part of human nature. We adapt and we evolve, we tend to change with the environment. The forces that encourage such change are all around us and we cant stop it. No one is really to blame, its just the way things are. Ok, I know there are a lot of reactions out there at this point. Please, stay calm, and read on. So, how do you make a relationship work? How do you make it last? Two words; Commitment and Responsibility. No, its not a commitment to love that person, but rather the commitment to be part of the betterment of the other individual. You don't commit to the love but rather commit that you will be part of the growth of your partner. And please take note that it should be both ways, because if it is only one way, its not a relationship. It's more like an illness or a psychological problem. As for responsibility, you should be responsible for your commitment and not for the other person. And, in order to maintain both, all you need is maturity. You see, this is what makes most real relationships last. As the other person improves and develops, you fall in love all over again, and the cycle goes on until there is no room left to fall out of love. As for married couples, family and children are the additional commitments. Most married couples know this, and sometimes, its all that keeps them together, not love. Ok, I'm not really what you call an "expert" on the subject. I just happen to be an analytical genius. Please do not argue with that, just read on. In my case, we were both living our own lives over 9,000 miles apart. How in the world do you keep up with each other's growth as a person in that case? No technology or communication standard can fix that?... unless somebody speeds up the development of the molecular transporter or something like that. We were on different worlds with different lives, so it was really inevitable that one of us was going to give way. Unfortunately for me, it was faster on her part because she was the one who was starting out on a new environment, so the pace of change was much faster for her. So I can't blame her..... that witch! ....just kidding, there really is no reason to get mad at her. The forces of change are much stronger on her side. It's not like she planned the whole falling out of love thing, it's just her being human. If I cant live with that, I should have ended up with a more subhuman life form.....not at all complicated (weird is more like it....imagine dating a goat).
Conclusion
So what should a person do? Fall in love. Why? Well, it's what defines our humanity, as much as getting hurt (emotionally) does. But please, do not expect or wait to fall out when you are in a relationship. Let nature take its course, just be ready to feel the pain of loss or the difficulty of inflicting pain (remember, it's not your fault), either way, it's emotionally excruciating. Or better yet, make that commitment...because if it works out, it will be your life fulfillment.